PakShak Auto Detailing Forum
Shop PakShak!

Welcome to PakShak Auto Detailing Forums.


Membership to PakShak.org is free and comes with some great benefits! Members receive special discounts to our store www.PakShak.com. Enter drawings and contests to win great prizes or PakShak dollars through our members-only contests and giveaways. Don't miss out - Sign up today!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our community, you will have access to post topics, communicate with other members, respond to polls, upload pictures of your vehicles and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process, your account login or feel that you are viewing this message in error, please contact us.



Go Back   PakShak Auto Detailing Forum > Other > General Discussion
Home Forum Today's Posts Shoutbox Gallery Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Calendar Members List

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 03-02-2013
Rsurfer's Avatar
Rsurfer Rsurfer is offline
Moderator
Master Guru
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: HONOLULU
Posts: 2,325
Default Only A GUY WOULD DO THIS

..... Only A Guy Would Do This.
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.



Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!



Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.



Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,... right?



There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?



So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.



All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"



What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....



I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!



I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"



Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.



SON-OF-A-.... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
__________________
Do not get upset with the results you didn't get. Because of the work you didn't do.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-04-2013
vtec92civic vtec92civic is offline
Moderator
Master Guru
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Maui
Posts: 2,418
Default

That's hilarious. LoL
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-04-2013
Ranney's Avatar
Ranney Ranney is offline
Moderator
Master Guru
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Honolulu
Posts: 3,198
Default

Hi Ron,

Now that is what I call sampling the product. Maybe he should have tested it before he bought it...hahaha You knew from "don't do it master", he was already doomed.

Thank you & Aloha,
Ranney
__________________

Ranney Pak
PakShak Car Care & Detailing Supplies
Hawaii's Car Care Central
E-mail: ranney@pakshak.com
Tel: 808-783-6006
www.PakShak.com
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -10. The time now is 12:05 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.